Category / Scrawled

Things written for the quiet, instead of for the crowd.

by geoffparker

The fear. Spelled out.

So, after having decided I was NOT going to start off with Pastoral Care this semester, mainly so I could give myself a little more time to make “the money”, as they say, I went ahead and signed up anyway. It just felt like I needed to get into some practical concerns of helping people. Nonetheless, in my first day of reading, here are the big fears of mine, writ large.

1) There is a stereotype that the best preachers are often the worst care givers. The gift of communicating externally is often seen as antithetical to the gift of listening in a effective way. I am, simply, not comfortable in my skin as an intentional listener at this point in my life, possibly to the point of being dependent upon my public speech to fit in to new situations.

2) Even more intense is what Prof. L called “impostor syndrome.” This is WAY prevalent at YDS, and is the student’s (or young pastor’s) fear that everyone up to this point has been fooled somehow. I’ve talked about this a little bit, but it really touches every bit of my life currently. I worry that someone will figure out that I’m not smart enough to be at my school. I worry that my denomination or my church will figure out that I really don’t feel all that “divine” most of the time. Adding the care question, I worry that I will fail those I try to care for because of my continued charlatan ways, and they won’t even see it coming.

I feel like I will get more comfortable in these situations in the future, but it still feels like peering over the edge of the cliff right now. This is why praying is a big part of my life here. I am not enough for all of it on my own sometimes.

by geoffparker

Sussing Out the Source

The most intriguing political debates I’ve been having lately all kind of relate to some introductory reading I did on the prophets. Namely, how do we figure out who really has inspired (or inspiring) speech? My favored candidate gets a bit of a rough reception in my family’s house, mainly because they assert the speech associated with the candidate with the term “inspirational”, which for them seems to code-word for that which is unlikely to ever take place. Certainly, the conversation about “change” has gotten to the ridiculous level. For many, this makes them more cynical of candidates that encourage thinking with a “revolutionary” vocabulary. The theory being that change is unable to take place at any level of our government at this point in time. My father actually hints that he thinks a real revolution (like with pitchforks and torches) will be necessary to cause change for the better in our government. Well regulated militia, my eye.

As a Constitutional nerd, I take great hope in the “change” candidates simply because we’re a big ship, and it takes a lot of rudder and a lot of time to change course. Fearful of regional conflicts that could endanger the Union, and even more driven by a desire to forcefully show the crown that a democratic form of government could be more than a simple revolutionary tool, the framers valued stability over mechanisms for quick adjustments and reforms of government. Mainly, we can agree with this, because other fledgling democracies call those “adjustments” military coups. Given the stability of the system, it can often seem like we are hopelessly adrift from where we would like to go. Surely from the fact that we are here at all, however, we can see that change can happen, it just happens within a unit of time which we’re no longer very comfortable with. So, I’m all for those that inspire us to dream of where we might go, and to throw all of our combined weight into the tiller. Also, I refuse to give enough credit to the current administration to suggest that they have somehow caused IRREPARABLE damage to our governmental system. No doubt, we’ll be banging the dents out for many a year to come, but we can start by refusing to give up our national imagination. So, bring on the fairy tale. For me, that’s inspired.

by geoffparker

Assignment: How does pentateuchal criticism matter for contemporary readers?

I was particularly struck by the notion of a kind of “larger narrative” in our readings related to literary criticism, so I want to try and address some of those issues in this discussion. For me as a reader, it is tremendously rich and rewarding to think of a method of understanding all the biblical texts in which the goal is not to “read between the lines” by trying to understand historical and contextual situated nature of the text. Instead, we can think of “reading together lines” which are made up of smaller portions of the text. In other words, the narrative may be not the events described by such and such a story, but the conflict, tension, and dialog between these smaller sections of the text.

This muti-vocality is at the heart of how I understand biblical reading for contemporary congregations, and is really heartening to me. Firstly, I feel that this is model for congregational (and, I wouldn’t mind, generic communal) living. For me: just like these texts, which contradict, and repeat, and sometimes outright confuse (!), our church communities are not magic boxes through which we receive answers and straightforward guidance for life. In the continuing struggle for congregational vitality and membership, it is easy to think of these communities as being the story of a people who agree to live – warmly – together in one act of faith. How much more rewarding to think that the REAL story of our church communities is one of our disagreements, the things we clearly DO NOT have sorted neatly into an axiom that we can all hang neatly on our door, or embroider on a pillow! The various methods that we have seen make one thing very clear to my mind, that the rich gift of scripture is that it is not simple, for surely our communities of faith are not. By understanding that the “message” of a text may simply be its tension and concern over various issues, we receive a model for living together in a way in which we boldly face issues that are important to us, yet realize that we can live together despite tension and disagreement we might face as a result. Definitive “answers” elude us in many of these texts, just as they often elude us in our faith communities.

Secondly, for me, this is just a neat trinitarian process of reading scripture. The text itself is multi-vocal and multi-faceted. As a reader, then, I enter the debate of the text. Very miraculously, I often get some sense of the Spirit moving over this noisy meeting of text and reader, and may even glean some new image, metaphor, or even meaning from the text. Returning to the issue of church communities, it does indeed seem that there may be a resolution to tensions and debates within a reading church. By being fearless in our taking up of difficult texts and issues, and not being afraid to live in the tension and debate, we may occasionally experience the grace of the Spirit moving in the community and find new meaning and union.

by geoffparker

Review-ish: Why I have not so very much to say.

I had a few topics to bring up soon, but I was distracted by a show hosted at The Space featuring our friend Shara. Her band, My Brightest Diamond, is currently blowing up in a huge way. I can say I once played a poorly amplified, even more poorly played (on my part) show in Brooklyn with some of the early sketches of her current songs, and the extent to which she has matured and come into the full glory of her voice is really incredible. (Not that she could ever hide the natural instrument she has, they don’t make people who can sing like this every day.) Also, Shara’s husband and manager and touring companion and…, James, remains one of the nicest human beings I’ve run into, as well as being kind of inspirational in terms of how to be a steward and supporter of the dreams of one’s spouse. For me, this has been one of the harder things to learn about, so he gets the “my hero” award for the week.

Regardless, the show was a brief encapsulation of why I continue to spend time working at The Space. There were about 70 people there, stunned into silence, and then uproarious applause. We don’t get many “natural” encores at The Space, but this was one for the books. So, my normal trepidation around what constitutes “fair use” of copyrighted material has to lean a little in the saddle while I link to one of the more joyful things ever: Shara reinterpreting Nina Simone. If anyone gets offended, let me know, but for now, I wanted to share this.

Feeling Good

by geoffparker

What Sacrament?

So I’m writing about Trinitarian worship right now. Here’s my model as I understand it, based certainly on the Trinity, as well as a concept of God being in action which I’m told I’ll read tomorrow in Karl Barth: The congregation beseeches the Holy Spirit to come into the midst of their worship action (a reflection of Christ’s actions… think baptism, eucharist, preaching, etc.) and transform that Christ-action into TRUE Christ-action. In other words, the Spirit transforms the congregation into the body of Christ proper, and in so doing makes them the adopted child of the Creator. “Brothers and Sisters in Christ.”

So, my question: isn’t all of Christ’s activity part of the activity of the second person of the Trinity? If it is, then what we view as sacrament, or at least liturgy needs to be expanded to include that range of activity. Whenever the Spirit comes amidst any reflective action that was of Christ, worship would seem to be complete in the Trinitarian sense. I’m going to argue for this in my ever expanding fight for the humanity of Christ. It should be noted that I don’t want to pull down the divinity of Christ, but rather pull up the humanity. How much more rewarding would coffee hour be if we were often reminded that sitting across from anyone at ANY table – not just the eucharistic table – was a liturgical act of worship, a calling up of the Trinitarian God? OK, maybe I can’t justify coffee hour to myself yet… but I’m working on it.

by geoffparker

Out Today: Supermarket Illusions

I’m at the point right now that when I think about how much I have to do, my mind just goes black and there’s just a steady tone in my ears. That said, I needed to find some moment to sneak out and go to the grocery store so I can feed my incessant snack craving while writing about evil as privation of the good. (Hint: I don’t agree with this thesis, I just don’t know how NOT to agree with it.) SO: I skipped church and went to the store this morning.

Culturally, I had forgotten that I’m a bit off the beaten track, because I was shocked to find that the supermarket was PACKED on Sunday morning. I really thought that I was going to be running through the aisles, happy and alone. Not so much. Guess church attendance really is down, no matter what I think.

In other news, there were BIRDS in the supermarket!! Not one, but multiple sparrows were flying around the place over by frozen foods. I got stopped by an old friend (and baby!!), and out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing movement. Suddenly, one got really brave and flew low to land on a sign by the D+D. I found this hilarious and wonderful and made the experience in the store much more pleasant. Next: petting zoo by the veggies?

by geoffparker

Paper Idea: Youth Identity Development in Reflection of the Silent Text

This is something I’m messing with for my Liberation Theology course. With Canonical Gospels that omit developmental stages in the human life of Jesus Christ, is the Church prepared for questions of identity development among young people? So much of the rhetoric that is used in most theologies puts Christ as the paradigmatic human experience, yet we only experience Christ’s humanity as fully formed and adult. (Some people roughly posit this as about ages 30 – 33.) I’m going to take the stance that the deafening silence in our texts has allowed for Church leaders to argue that Christ’s fully formed identity is the only acceptable one, instead of the more complex and multi-vocal view of ideal humanity that might result if we saw Jesus go through the normal identity establishing changes and experiments. I’m particularly looking at sexual identity here, as I read a very strong need for a theological answer to the really tragic tales of so many GLBT teens that are exiles in their own land, thrown out of their houses, and disowned by their communities. This has real world implications of depression, poverty, drug use, suicide, and pretty much all the horrible things that result when one human is devalued by another.

Given all this, can Church come up with an anthropology that allows for developmental process and diverse adult identity that seems to echo the truth of Christ? Do we think that understanding human development in the man Jesus Christ would diminish or take away from the identity of the second person of the Trinity, or would this thought simply serve to deepen our understanding of God’s loving gift in the incarnation? (Guess what I think.) How do we reinforce that God’s love is present and active in all as they strive to determine who they are and how they fit into creation? etc. etc.

by geoffparker

Procrastination. And I’m done.

Largely I worked for a good sweet while talking about the psychology of procrastination as I’m feeling it right now for a while. Then I went ahead and killed my draft in a pretty spectacular fashion. I’m here in Texas, FINALLY! Sarah still has classes, so during the day I’m somewhat a prisoner of this hotel-like tower that she calls home. Nonetheless, I’ve gotten an almost historical minimum of work done in the past two days, mainly driven by the fear of coming off like an idiot, bringing shame upon my family and loved ones, and having to go into remedial theology of some sort. (I wonder what that would look like…) Anyway, so today I call upon my patron saints of productive thought and writing: Anne Lamont, whose “Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life” should be required reading for all people who think that want pursue anything beyond data entry in the world, and so, will have to occasionally write down ideas in a way that is compelling and coherent. (It should be noted that I have often pursued employment in the data entry constellation of jobs, and far from turning my nose up at it, find that group of workers to be some of the most focused, zen, and altogether creative people I know. I’m a man of the people, don’cha know.) Also, Merlin Mann, whose site, 43folders, gives me hope that I will some day be a productive member of society, with some bare minimum amount of organization surrounding my life.

Here’s Texas, as I know it, so far:

by geoffparker

Registration’s Over. Yay.

Well, I definitely hope to do something better with this space than just simple reporting in the academic genre, but hey, I have no energy right now. So, for those of you keeping score at home, this is what I’m taking this semester:

O.T. Interpretation with Prof. Carolyn Sharp

Systematic Theology with Prof. Miroslav Volf

Foundations of Christian Worship with Prof. Bryan Spinks

Liberation Theology in the Global Context with Prof. Kwok Pui Lan

My regrets? I’m in a pretty heavily theoretical space with these classes. That is more than a little shock to my usual demeanor, which though not exactly practical, tends to at least be very concrete. It’s still pretty fun though. I’m having to retrain my body after 6 years of associating reading with getting ready for bed… “NO! It’s not time for a nap! It’s time to read 200 more pages!” O.T. Interpretation has to be my favorite so far (I’ve always had fun with biblical critique), but Liberation Theology is pretty out in left field for me, so I’m intrigued.

by geoffparker

NY Times: The Guidebook for Taking a Life"

The Guidebook for Taking a Life

The Times ran this article today. Largely, I’m just sad. I also cling to Jim Wallis’ phrase: “The answer to bad theology is not no religion, it is better religion.” The notion that killing can be justified because the fate of those killed can be outsourced to God is just painful… largely because God calls me to be more accountable to those around me, not less.